Today we find out what a truck driver’s dick looks like.
Guy #1 is eating a banana.
Guy #2 enters and begins laughing.
Guy #1: What, man?
Guy #2: You would eat some gay shit like that.
Guy #1: A banana? It’s good for ya.
Guy #2: Yeah, yeah, but it looks like something you wanna put in your mouth, heh heh heh.
Guy #1: Bullshit. I’m sick of it.
Guy #2: Sick of what? Sure ain’t dicks.
Guy #1: I’m sick of your shit, you say I’m the one that likes ‘em and you are always talkin’ about ‘em, I think you like ‘em!
Guy #2: Nope, I just can tell by lookin’ at the way you do that!
Guy #1: Fuck you, you make fun of me for eatin’ a banana, you make fun of me for eatin’ carrots, you make fun of me for eatin’ a hot dog, shut the fuck up about it or I’m gonna tell everyone how obsessed with dicks you are.
Guy #2: You’re the one that likes them so much you keep buying shit that looks like it, I don’t like no damn dick!
Guy #1: Yeah ya do (throws his banana peal and stands as guy #2 starts to exit.) I got a banana for ya!
Guy #2: Fuck you, man!
Guy #1: (opens his pants and pulls out his penis) SEE MAN, I GOT A BANANA FOR YA, YOU CAN TELL IT’S A GOOD ONE CAUSE IT HANGS TO THE LEFT.

Then he starts laughing and goes into the bathroom.

This one driver and the dude that had that song the other day, Jay, are talking to each other and then I walk in:

Jay: Hell naw, Wrangler ain’t gonna drop Favre as spokesperson, they spent way too much money.

Guy #1: Yeah, but I figured they would eventually have to because of what he done.

Jay: Fuck that, she got her check and she out, she ain’t gonna give a shit about no Wal-Mart jeans money.

Me: Wal-Mart jeans money is still money.

Guy #1: You sayin’ you’d look at some guy’s dick?

Me: Yes, for a couple million dollars everyone can send me every dick picture that has ever existed.

Jay: I respect your grind but you gay dude.

Me: I’m gay? Aren’t you the guy that sends me all those forwards of guys having sex with each other?

Jay: Yeah, but that’s cause them is funny, but you say you just gonna look at a dude’s dick for money, man, that’s gay.

Guy #1: Yeah, I ain’t lookin’ at no damn dick for nothin’.

Me: You guys are THAT homophobic that for a couple million bucks you won’t even look at another guy’s dick?

Jay: Lemme speak it this way, I had a threesome before, free pussy, and I still ain’t look at that other dude’s dick.

Guy #1: You have the lights off? How you know you wasn’t fuckin’ the other guy?

Jay: Cause I know pussy and I know asshole and I don’t need no motherfuckin’ picture to tell the difference even if I had a million dollars, unlike this homo over here.

Me: Yes, and yet if that was the case I would STILL have a bunch of money and not have to work here.

Jay: You still be gay, though, cause you gay.

And then every 10 minutes or so over the 2-way he would beep me and just go “You gay”.

I walk in and hear this guy ranting on about some of the part timers they hired recently because the union guys are lazy as shit.

Guy #1: I just think it’s bullshit, he’s acting like a goddamned monkey!

Guy #2: Naw, man, he’s just doin’ his job.

Guy #1: No, he’s bein’ a monkey motherfucker!

Guy #2: Well I don’t even see how, ain’t like he’ll be here in a month anyway.

Guy #1: I’m just sayin’, now, like, I’m an ape and this monkey motherfucker is comin’ in playin’ his little games and actin’ like he knows how shit goes around here just cause he went to college. But I’m an ape and I don’t give a shit about what no monkey wants to do, monkeys just wanna copy everything you do and then act better than you and try to take the apes place, fuck him, that ain’t happening.

Guy #2: I know what you mean, but like all of us are tryin’ to get some bananas, ya know?

Guy #1: I know what he’s doing, but apes don’t give a shit about a monkey unless he has a lot of bananas already or he’s got a bigger dick, that’s the only time we fucking care about what they are doing or saying, other than that I’ll wipe my ass with one of them monkeys!

The mechanic was talking to a driver, this driver is the one I refer to as the Terminal Yoda, about a complaint against him yesterday:

Driver: Well, I think she just wants a free windshield.

Mechanic: Maybe she wanted to talk to you cause she heard ya had a big wang.

Driver: Well, THAT AIN’T THE WAY TO GET IT, BUDDY, HAHAHAHA!!!!!!